new place... new me?

im now living in malaysia... in a hotel bacause our house in malaysia is not renovated yet. haiz... im just lucky to have a bed to sleep in every night. im trying to be cool about everything. like my friends and my school. but somehow or another ppl try to find problem with me try to piss me off...what the fuck for? please lah k? im not interested so, get away from my face. thank you=)

Quiero lamberte hasta que te vengas en mi boca mil veces.

C'est la vie

i think its time i just let it all out. i get it ok? that i was a whore, a slut, a piece of shit that ruined your night. a night that was meant to have great fun. and i ruined it by being drunk and vomitting all over and kissing all the girls and even letting a bangla grind me.

i would really appreciate it if you guys could just stop for a second and think. u know me right? seriously would nan do such things? no. and i hate myself for doing all these. but then again, all these happenned and there is no going back. i was not myself and i did things that wasnt me. so, if u guys wanna judge me for that and start hating me go ahead. if u guys wanna hate me, the me, who wasnt me, go ahead. i did it while i was drunk. and i swear i have no recollection of all those ever happenning. but hey, it happened. i was in the wrong. i get it. i have apologised. so now, what else can one do? i cant even explain myself because i dont know i did those. i dont know why i did those. so go ahead. hate me. hating me is like nothing since i have already been kicked in the face!

and when i came back saturday night, my dad fed me rice la sia. who would do that? i have my friends. the ones who can see ME. and those are my real friends. and i have my family. who still love me for who i am.

i think i know why all those happened. cos i was an emotional bitch. i got drunk and was wayyyyy too emotional and it got the better of me. and then my friend told me that have to be stronger with the heart. and be a confident bitch!! yes. i will be. like what vshal said, 'u kinda have to make ur heart stone' i will. and im not just gonna say it. i'll show it.

oh well.... such is life.

and then, its all my fault

i got kicked in the face had a cigarette flicked on my face. by a girl who later told me that she loved me. -_-' hmm... im just glad that i know who my real friends are. thank god i met waisun the morning after. that girl is a friend. a true one. she asked me if i would like it if waisun went to help me whack the girl who kicked me. haha.. i love u waisun. and vshal, what a brother i have. he told me he had my back. honestly man, if i didnt have these two ppl in my life, i wouldnt know what to do.

i'll always love u

no matter how badly u treat me, you're still my mom.

Mummy, you’re my Hero"

Ma, I remember, I was probably about three, all the times you made me laugh, like when you tickled me.

Ma, I adored you, even when I made you mad, you're always taken care of me, through the good times and the bad.

Didn't have much money, and when times were bad, you still worked, cleaned and cooked for us.

Then one day I turned sixteen, a real tough age for me, didn't always think things through and acted selfishly.

All I ever meant to do was make you proud of me, I'm sorry if I wasn't who you expected me to be.

Ma, I was hurting too, you also caused me pain, and just like you I sometimes felt I was about to go insane.

Ma, it is true that you have given me a lot, because you only wanted me to have the things you never got.

Ma, I appreciate the things you’ve bought for me, but the happiest I’ve ever been was when we barely had a thing.

The love and trust between us then was very special to me, and there's no amount of money that could replace those memories.

Ma, what I'm getting at is no matter what you do, there's nobody else on earth that could ever ever replace you.

Because it takes a special woman to raise four kids, nobody helped you do it, you did it on your own.

Ma, you’re my hero, the good times outweigh the bad, because God gave me the best mommy a girl could ever have.

confused case

[] I have said this before and now, imma say it again. I have never felt loved by anyone the way I have felt loved by you. You have always shown me care and concern. The first time I cried when waisun was hurt, I came to you. And last Tuesday, when I saw her cry and when I held her in my arms you came into my mind. And when I heard that you were eating alone, it tore me apart. I miss you and I still care for you girl. I thought talking things out between us would work. But it didn’t. In fact, it got worse to a point where we don’t even say a ‘hi’ when we meet. And now, I am afraid to talk things out between my other friends thinking it might not work. I’m scared. I’m afraid. I’m lost. I’m just not ready to lose these friends. I really love them. I don’t them to have the wrong impression of me. But honestly speaking, if they can't accept me for who I am, is this all really worth it? K. Going of now. Crystal is asking me to sleep at 1am. Goodnight guys. Goodnight.

story of my life

[]as i lie in bed and start thinking...
[]i go back to the time we had spent together. to think abt how my life has changed since then. some of the ways that I behave now is because of you.. so many things happened and so many things have changed. and the frustrating thing is that i cant even do what i want because of the scares u left. but then again, u're not in my life anymore and i shouldn't care. correction: I WON'T CARE!
[]fought with my bestfriend and got back tgt again.. besties what? haha... i love her so much and after thinking abt it alot... i think i'm spoiling her..need to have a serious face2face talk with her.
[]oh and now, im a member of the Khoolfak. to be a Khoolfak, you have to be awesome and yeah. that's all...

Anger

I feel the anger rise up in me
The same anger
That makes me bleed
Inside
In my heart and in my soul
Killing me
With soft whispers of hate
Softly, deeply
But quickly my blood flows
Outwards, pouring
Showing its true power to the world
Slowly but surely
It destroys me
I am not it
But it has become me
Angry is all I seem to feel lately
Why can’t I just once be free
From the anger that’s trapped inside me
The anger which you provide
The anger which you create
The anger that’s inside me now
Only at me it eats
The only emotion we ever shared
Was anger
The only words we ever said
Were yelled
Why can’t you accept me the way I am
The way I want to be
Instead of turning me into somebody else
The person you wished you could be
I am not you
And never will be
Your thoughts are your own
So how can I know what you’re thinking?
I can’t
But you expect me to
You yell and scream and hate
For I can’t read your mind
Though I try
Anything to make you happy
To stop the fighting and the screams
To stop the constant anger inside me