LEGACY

new place... new me?

2010-10-31T23:03:00.000-07:00

im now living in malaysia... in a hotel bacause our house in malaysia is not renovated yet. haiz... im just lucky to have a bed to sleep in every night. im trying to be cool about everything. like my friends and my school. but somehow or another ppl try to find problem with me try to piss me off...what the fuck for? please lah k? im not interested so, get away from my face. thank you=)

Quiero lamberte hasta que te vengas en mi boca mil veces.

2010-06-29T09:38:00.000-07:00

C'est la vie

2010-06-08T18:30:00.000-07:00

i think its time i just let it all out. i get it ok? that i was a whore, a slut, a piece of shit that ruined your night. a night that was meant to have great fun. and i ruined it by being drunk and vomitting all over and kissing all the girls and even letting a bangla grind me.

i would really appreciate it if you guys could just stop for a second and think. u know me right? seriously would nan do such things? no. and i hate myself for doing all these. but then again, all these happenned and there is no going back. i was not myself and i did things that wasnt me. so, if u guys wanna judge me for that and start hating me go ahead. if u guys wanna hate me, the me, who wasnt me, go ahead. i did it while i was drunk. and i swear i have no recollection of all those ever happenning. but hey, it happened. i was in the wrong. i get it. i have apologised. so now, what else can one do? i cant even explain myself because i dont know i did those. i dont know why i did those. so go ahead. hate me. hating me is like nothing since i have already been kicked in the face!

and when i came back saturday night, my dad fed me rice la sia. who would do that? i have my friends. the ones who can see ME. and those are my real friends. and i have my family. who still love me for who i am.

i think i know why all those happened. cos i was an emotional bitch. i got drunk and was wayyyyy too emotional and it got the better of me. and then my friend told me that have to be stronger with the heart. and be a confident bitch!! yes. i will be. like what vshal said, 'u kinda have to make ur heart stone' i will. and im not just gonna say it. i'll show it.

oh well.... such is life.

and then, its all my fault

2010-06-06T09:19:00.000-07:00

i got kicked in the face had a cigarette flicked on my face. by a girl who later told me that she loved me. -_-' hmm... im just glad that i know who my real friends are. thank god i met waisun the morning after. that girl is a friend. a true one. she asked me if i would like it if waisun went to help me whack the girl who kicked me. haha.. i love u waisun. and vshal, what a brother i have. he told me he had my back. honestly man, if i didnt have these two ppl in my life, i wouldnt know what to do.

i'll always love u

2010-05-06T17:12:00.000-07:00

no matter how badly u treat me, you're still my mom.

Mummy, you’re my Hero"

Ma, I remember, I was probably about three, all the times you made me laugh, like when you tickled me.

Ma, I adored you, even when I made you mad, you're always taken care of me, through the good times and the bad.

Didn't have much money, and when times were bad, you still worked, cleaned and cooked for us.

Then one day I turned sixteen, a real tough age for me, didn't always think things through and acted selfishly.

All I ever meant to do was make you proud of me, I'm sorry if I wasn't who you expected me to be.

Ma, I was hurting too, you also caused me pain, and just like you I sometimes felt I was about to go insane.

Ma, it is true that you have given me a lot, because you only wanted me to have the things you never got.

Ma, I appreciate the things you’ve bought for me, but the happiest I’ve ever been was when we barely had a thing.

The love and trust between us then was very special to me, and there's no amount of money that could replace those memories.

Ma, what I'm getting at is no matter what you do, there's nobody else on earth that could ever ever replace you.

Because it takes a special woman to raise four kids, nobody helped you do it, you did it on your own.

Ma, you’re my hero, the good times outweigh the bad, because God gave me the best mommy a girl could ever have.

confused case

2010-05-06T09:02:00.000-07:00

[] I have said this before and now, imma say it again. I have never felt loved by anyone the way I have felt loved by you. You have always shown me care and concern. The first time I cried when waisun was hurt, I came to you. And last Tuesday, when I saw her cry and when I held her in my arms you came into my mind. And when I heard that you were eating alone, it tore me apart. I miss you and I still care for you girl. I thought talking things out between us would work. But it didn’t. In fact, it got worse to a point where we don’t even say a ‘hi’ when we meet. And now, I am afraid to talk things out between my other friends thinking it might not work. I’m scared. I’m afraid. I’m lost. I’m just not ready to lose these friends. I really love them. I don’t them to have the wrong impression of me. But honestly speaking, if they can't accept me for who I am, is this all really worth it? K. Going of now. Crystal is asking me to sleep at 1am. Goodnight guys. Goodnight.

story of my life

2010-05-05T09:24:00.000-07:00

[]as i lie in bed and start thinking...
[]i go back to the time we had spent together. to think abt how my life has changed since then. some of the ways that I behave now is because of you.. so many things happened and so many things have changed. and the frustrating thing is that i cant even do what i want because of the scares u left. but then again, u're not in my life anymore and i shouldn't care. correction: I WON'T CARE!
[]fought with my bestfriend and got back tgt again.. besties what? haha... i love her so much and after thinking abt it alot... i think i'm spoiling her..need to have a serious face2face talk with her.
[]oh and now, im a member of the Khoolfak. to be a Khoolfak, you have to be awesome and yeah. that's all...

Anger

2010-05-04T00:27:00.000-07:00

I feel the anger rise up in me
The same anger
That makes me bleed
Inside
In my heart and in my soul
Killing me
With soft whispers of hate
Softly, deeply
But quickly my blood flows
Outwards, pouring
Showing its true power to the world
Slowly but surely
It destroys me
I am not it
But it has become me
Angry is all I seem to feel lately
Why can’t I just once be free
From the anger that’s trapped inside me
The anger which you provide
The anger which you create
The anger that’s inside me now
Only at me it eats
The only emotion we ever shared
Was anger
The only words we ever said
Were yelled
Why can’t you accept me the way I am
The way I want to be
Instead of turning me into somebody else
The person you wished you could be
I am not you
And never will be
Your thoughts are your own
So how can I know what you’re thinking?
I can’t
But you expect me to
You yell and scream and hate
For I can’t read your mind
Though I try
Anything to make you happy
To stop the fighting and the screams
To stop the constant anger inside me

bored...

2009-12-24T03:33:00.000-08:00

I love u more

2009-12-24T02:41:00.001-08:00

I love u more

by Robin

I love you more than all the stars in the sky.
I love you more as each moment passes us by.
I love you more with every breath I take.
I love you more with each promise we make.
I need you like a flower needs the rain.
I need you for you can wash away my pain.
I need you more each day
I need you for you are so wonderful, in every single way.
I miss you more than ever now.
I miss you because I really need you somehow.
I miss you and your touch.
I miss you for to me, you mean so much.
I want you to caress my lips the way you always do.
I want you to look into my eyes and see my love for you.
I want you to hold me close to your heart.
I want you to know that I love you, need you, miss you, and want you
And I have for every single moment, right from the start.

Shouldn't we?

2009-12-24T02:38:00.000-08:00

If we love each other so much then we should be with each other. Not apart. Why cant u see that my heart is breaking?.

2009-12-19T19:52:00.000-08:00

What Good Is Love by Sass

2009-12-07T07:53:00.000-08:00

What good is love, that does not touch,
What good is love, that gives you pain.
What good is love, that makes you run,
And makes you lost out in the rain.

I traveled to another world,
Out far beyond the one we knew,
I thought that I could live again,
And now I find I'm back with you.

But what of hearts that beat as one,
And what of passion and embrace,
Is it too much to ask of you,
To make these tears of mine erase.

What good is love, that does not touch,
What good is love, that gives you pain.
What good is love, that makes you run,
And makes you lost out in the rain.

Too painful this - to journey back,
To times of love and laughter free,
The times we lay together with
A sense of you , a sense of me.

So now, I journey on alone,
Forever wandering, in my thoughts,
And I shall ask you once again,
What good is love.

Screams Of Silence by Tim Chambers

2009-12-07T07:51:00.001-08:00

Screams Of Silence

by Tim Chambers

Begone ye screams of silence, harbingers of pain

Cloaked in isolation, you mock in harsh disdain

My soul is torn asunder, I curse you, God of Hell

As you pierced my tortured soul, what horrors I befell.

You spoke of quiet solitude, to tempt me to your lair

Then lanced me in my troubled heart, to depths of dark despair

Nemesis, I beg of thee, rise up in righteous ire

Protect me from Tisiphone, from Hell's eternal fire

With all my voice I scream to you, protect me from the night

Alas, in forlorn desperation, I journey to the light

Banished to mind's Coventry, I heed the demon's call

Beckoned by the silent screams, I enter Dante's hall.

Mind by Darcy

2009-12-07T07:50:00.001-08:00

Pale eyes, a blank expression,
wander through clouds of indescribable dreams.
Cold mist air, surrounded isolation
flaws my occupied mind
with either hate or death.
Something certain will be for always;
change in time forbids movement.
Fearing you understands myself;
help me open up, just a little more.

Death Of An Angel by Joseph Smith

2009-12-07T07:49:00.002-08:00

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a girl
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A teenager is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in this woman
In this girl, this child where hollows have bred
A deepening sea of nowhereness consumes
And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained.

Silence, Emptiness, And Confusion by Bek

2009-12-07T07:49:00.001-08:00

2009-11-19T19:10:00.001-08:00

shiokenene babay!

2009-11-19T04:35:00.000-08:00

I Want Person B back!

2009-11-18T06:30:00.001-08:00

i shall be happy...no thanks to you

leave you alone!

2009-11-17T21:35:00.000-08:00

I'll just let you be ok?
Do what you want..

I don't care no more

A and B

2009-11-17T18:45:00.001-08:00

Person B bitched about Person A...wtf?

Fuck you! Just Fuck you!

2009-11-16T03:05:00.000-08:00

This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.

Masseuse? as a career? Thinking abt it...

2009-11-16T03:02:00.000-08:00

I really think i should open a massage shop...
start earning for the work of my magical fingers!hehe

Polaroid...cool or what?

2009-11-05T03:48:00.000-08:00

Ayu and Me!!!

2009-11-04T06:12:00.000-08:00

Its a lollipop stick...not a cigarette...

"Now that I got You back In My LIFE!!!"

2009-11-04T03:26:00.000-08:00

"Now that I got You back In My LIFE!!!"
by Shawtie Black

Now that I got you back in my life
I promise to never let you go
no more

You are with me now and forever
rather we are far or near

You have made me the happiest person alive
that me realize that friendship is strong

From all the mistakes I made with you
I learned to correct myself by your
guidance

Now that I have got you back there is nothing
or no one who can break me apart from you

You are the one and shall always be
because of the perfection you have in yourself
as a person

So now that I got you back in my life
I am here for you to comfort you

Your wish is my
command.

YAY! love you waisun...

Alone

2009-11-03T09:23:00.000-08:00

I think I'd do better on my own, no friends, no fights,just me alone

Eyes don't tear

2009-11-03T09:22:00.000-08:00

Just because my eyes don't tear doesn't mean my heart doesn't cry. And just because I comes off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong.

lived too little

2009-11-03T09:20:00.000-08:00

It's just one of those days Where I just want to disappear, To get away from everything, Because I hate my life here. Dying seems less sad than having lived too little.

Saddest!

2009-11-03T09:19:00.001-08:00

For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are those 'It might have been

Choose

2009-11-03T09:18:00.001-08:00

You can choose to be happy or sad and whichever you choose that is what you get. No one is really responsible to make someone else happy, no matter what most people have been taught and accept as true.

Guilt

2009-11-03T09:17:00.001-08:00

It is quite gratifying to feel guilty if you haven't done anything wrong: how noble! Whereas it is rather hard and certainly depressing to admit guilt and to repent.

Fucked up life

2009-11-03T07:18:00.000-08:00

Messed up mind
These voices are kind
Don't know where I'm going anymore
Things ain't seem what they used to,
like before
This world is breaking
My hands are shaking
Going no way
I live from day to day
It's a fucked up life
And I'm searching for a knife
To cut my throat
On this no way road
We all live to die
Someday I will fly
And I'm free
Free to be who I am

2009-10-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

I came across this poem which said exactly what i had in mind.

Your love is so true,
Just can’t help falling for you.
Your love shined eyes look deep in to mine,
Pull me close and lose track of time.

Love the way you’re holding my heart,
Want to jump the gun so our love can start.
Protective arms holding me tight,
Losing my mind in your power and might.

You’re the one I’m dreaming of,
Clock keeps ticking as we fall deeper in love.
With tender fingers your touch is like fire,
Sensations linger then turn to desire.

Words are easy when the language is love,
You know exactly what I’m thinking of.
I need you like water, like breath, like rain,
Need you like mercy from God and his reign.

All my life I’ve been,
Guessing who you might be.
Hoping that moment would still let me breath,
Finally found you, when you finally found me.

This poem is by KAT.

Never have i fallen

2009-07-12T18:35:00.001-07:00

Your lips speak soft sweetness
Your touch a cool caress
I am lost in your magic
My heart beats within your chest

I think of you each morning
And dream of you each night
I think of your arms being around me
And cannot express my delight

Never have I fallen
But I am quickly on my way
You hold a heart in your hands
That has never before been given away

Do you get it?

2009-06-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

I want to tell you something you should know,
Something that you might not want to hear.
It is, however, true of me, and so
If you would know me, I must make it clear.
I could not, nor would want to be aught else.
I am your friend and that I will be.
Please make a place for that within yourself.
Please love me as I am, as I love you
No differently from when I was a child.
I am the friend that you always knew
Save for one sweet way that fate has smiled.
Whatever you decide, I'll love you still,
For love heeds not the weather, but the will.

My cousin's coming of age ceremony

2009-06-21T23:44:00.000-07:00

Last saturday there was my Cousin's coming of age ceremony.

I was there since morning, helping with the preparation and all that.

My mom FORCED me to wear the traditional costume.

Still I have my Million Dollar Smile... hahah

yeah, well i had fun and i have my cousin back. yay!

So, here are some of the pictures...

My Cousin and ME

ME and my MuMmY

Me and my Bro

ME and my SIS

No Matter...

2009-06-02T03:16:00.000-07:00

In your eyes i see things,

I know i cannot touch

I know not to reach for them

I let them touch me

And I cherish this moments

That I am able to share

However misleading it might be

French Poem

2009-05-31T07:25:00.000-07:00

Long-Felt Desires
French Poem By Louise Labe

Long-felt desires, hopes as long as vain--
sad sighs--slow tears accustomed to run sad
into as many rivers as two eyes could add,
pouring like fountains, endless as the rain--
cruelty beyond humanity, a pain
so hard it makes compassionate stars go mad
with pity: these are the first passions I've had.
Do you think love could root in my soul again?
If it arched the great bow back again at me,
licked me again with fire, and stabbed me deep
with the violent worst, as awful as before,
the wounds that cut me everwhere would keep
me shielded, so there would be no place free
for love. It covers me. It can pierce no more.

Douce Saint-Valentin d'amour
Le coeur qui crie l'amour,
pour cette femme tout les jours,
celle qui a notre coeur,
et notre bonheur ...

Une femme parfaite à nos yeux,
nos yeux tant amoureux,
on était à la recherche d'amour,
et enfin elle est là chaque jour ...

Une saint-valentin dans ses bras,
où on glisse des mots tout bas,
pour dire son amour,
qui pour elle durera toujours ...

Elle qui a notre coeur,
qui sèche nos pleurs,
et en cette belle saint-valentin,
cet amour ne fait qu'un ...

Certains attendent des bébés,
et d'autres seulement à s'aimer,
certains vont se mariés,
et d'autres l'amour fêté ..

CHEM

2009-05-30T21:42:00.000-07:00

Photos taken in Chem LAB (hate the china faci!)

AYU became a GHOST!

Whats with Kin's Face?

i cant rmb from which angle this picture was taken from

Still we both look soooo cute...

Im cute

2009-05-28T19:22:00.000-07:00

Just One Wish

2009-05-28T05:29:00.000-07:00

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

I love you

2009-05-27T16:41:00.000-07:00

Like the stars in the sky,
I am calling to you.

From the heavens above,
I am looking for you.

In the depths of my soul,
I will live and breathe for you.

Sadness dwells inside you;
You have nothing to fear,

for I am next to you.
I can feel your sadness;

Let me be sad for you,
so you will feel love once again.

Worry not about life,
let me worry for you.

You should always love life,
for it is a part of you.

I'll be there when you fall,
to catch you and say I Love You...

Finding EMO

2009-05-27T08:47:00.001-07:00

Beautiful Lover

2009-05-27T04:09:00.000-07:00

We had our towers and then left them
beyond the heights as we lay over clovers
with the world on top
that hoard of grass, weeds and clovers beneath our skin
felt our hands unfold like burnt offerings to the sun and sweat
and our loving found the roots of hope
the panoramic views of faith in the starry night
Our loving touches me
the way clovers should be left in the fields
and the way the praise of simple things etch our world
the way the robin in a single flight
can feat above the white stones
and I feel
content
in the glorious
and among the things so obvious to the eye
that they become mysterious to the heart
and our loving
brings me the moon when it is dark
and gives the soul hands to touch gently with
no elevators needed

FELL

2009-05-27T04:01:00.000-07:00

heyhey!

During monday(biochem lesson) i fell during presentation. i was playing with the roller of the chair and it just rolled off. My butt hurt so bad... But it was Ok as i managed to entertain the class abit... haha... But still managed to get an A. In the comment the faci said, No horseplay during class please, sit properly and don't hurt yourself. ... LOL!... His RJ question was, Which classmates would you have teamed up with today to increase your chances of getting a better daily grade, and why? Then in the comment he says, Its not about who you get teamed up with actually because the daily grade is a reflection of an individual's performance in class and his/her learning attitude, and not about others.Then for what ask this question?...

NDT!

2009-05-27T01:44:00.000-07:00

Me, my sis and my bro.

I Cry

2009-05-27T01:43:00.000-07:00

I cry for the time that you were almost mine,

I cry for the memories I've left behind,

I cry for the pain, the lost, the old the new,

I cry for the times I thought I had you.

But I am not going to cry no more,

I am over you!

Betrayed

2009-05-27T01:27:00.000-07:00

The feeling of being in friendship is so intense that it feels like it will last forever. We can't believe that the other person doesn't feel the same way. We can't believe that this sacred relationship has been betrayed. You may have been sure that you were in the same wavelength and that you understood each other. Meanwhile, you have been walking on parallel and eventually divergent tracks the entire time. The feelings of betrayal and hurt may take many years to heal.

Hope You Know Its You!

Only you!

2009-05-27T01:11:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how I feel when I'm around you,
How my heart pounds when you come into the room.
I look at you and think: My God! How beautiful!
And everything I am, bursts into bloom.

I feel as though you must, you must be mine,
Not as a possession but a goal,
Something almost unimaginable:
The free devotion of another soul.

As though I were about to enter heaven
Or just within the hour condemned to die,
My mind with one fierce thought keeps running over,
With you, and only you, the reason why.

2009-05-27T01:03:00.000-07:00

Wanting,

to be held,

to be loved,

to feel warmth,

to feel your beating heart.

Wanting to be sheltered from the cold,

heartless winds.

Falling into invisible arms;

into an abyss of love.

Wishing,

hoping,

that my desires will be filled;

my desires of loving warmth.

Wanting to be held,

comforted,

loved.

Dreaming of passionate embraces,

of tender kisses,

loving words,

romantic nights.

Waiting for undying love.